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On fantasy and speculative fiction

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So I’m writing this on turkey day (though it’ll post slightly later), otherwise known as Thanksgiving in America and just Thursday to everyone else. Unlike back in undergrad, my break only lasts from Thursday until Sunday, so it’s kind of like being back in high school again. It’s not the most exciting holiday because it means there’s more people in the house than usual, which means I can’t sleep in because of people noise, but it does mean I get some time to play games and lay down, which is always a plus. Personally, I’ve spent the weekend so far trying to learn the official Chinese rules for mahjong and writing more of Something Wicked so I have enough content queued up for the next few weeks because I’ve got a schedule to keep.

This would be an opportune time to talk about holidays and family and the fantastic turkey I roasted, but I don’t really feel like it, so let’s talk about that book I’m writing.

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The vague anxiety victory lap

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Last weekend, I just finished one of my shorter stories (as in about 20k, so not that short). It’s always such a weird feeling when I’m done writing something and put it out for people to read, partially because I hammered out about 13k in a week and partially because there’s this extended period of held-breath anticipation while I wait to see what other people think and if my work really was up to snuff.

The problem with that, of course, is that there isn’t really any kind of objective metric by which I can say my work is good or bad (other than the fact that I have complete confidence in my writing skill, so I can say with some certainty that it’s not bad). I can get comments and kudos from people but there’s no magical threshold over which I know I’ve made it, so there’s no way to really feel satisfied, and I just keep being vaguely anxious until I run out of steam about a week later.

It’s kind of like a victory lap except instead of victory and celebration it’s anxiety about whether there are people out there who share my very narrow window of interests. It’s kind of like when you build a Rube Goldberg machine and try the whole thing out for the first time, except the machine just keeps going and there’s no win condition.

It’s not a mystery why it happens–it’s a function of not having well-defined goals before I throw stuff out into the aether. So, by extension, it’d be pretty easy to fix by setting goals (which everyone loves, I’m sure). It’s just that any number I chose would be arbitrary not to mention irrelevant, because a lot of numbers (comments, hits, kudos) are a function of exposure, not my raw writing skill.

It’s not really a bad thing, it’s just a thing that happens. By the end of the week, I’ll stop worrying about this story and get back to work on the next one.

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Apples and Cinnamon

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This short story was written in June of 2015. The background is, back in the day (by which I mean 2014, which feels like a billion years ago at this point) I hosted a short writing tournament on a forum I used to frequent in which writers would get a set of prompts with which they were to write a story featuring both their and their opponent’s OC. The tournament had some amount of success, but one of the entries struck me as having a lot of lost potential. So I rewrote the story into what you see here, “rewrote” being used in the loosest sense possible since the characters, situation, and background are all different and only some elements of the plot and superficial points remain the same.

I think that this story was a pretty important part of my development as a writer, and one of the major stepping stones I took to writing–and more importantly, following through on–longer novel-length stories, so without further ado, here is Apples and Cinnamon, a story about two people being very sad about a dead person.

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A blog…how curious.

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Hello, friends!

After sitting on this domain for a few months, I’ve finally decided to start populating it with content. I’m not entirely sure what will go on this website since I’m not really the sort of person to regularly produce content, but I’ve got a lot of interests and I’m sure that someone out there will be interested in some of those.

If you’ve somehow managed to find this website without first knowing who I am, welcome! I’m Jesse. My main interest is storytelling, and I’ve been writing since 2006. I’m currently working on a web serial as well as a film noir urban fantasy detective novel. On the side, I also make art, crochet, and play games. I’m pretty good at making cool stuff, but not so good at playing games. That’s just how things end up, sometimes.

I don’t have a super clear idea of how this website will go, but I expect it’ll involve posting project related things and some short essays at the very least. If that’s something that tickles your fancy, then feel free to stick around!

Cheers!

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